HeadWillCollapse

The whirldwind discovers American football. And testicles.

Afterthought: I like the way the developers have spliced this girly, stop-start version of rugby with the explanation scenes from House. Here’s hoping for a footie management sim with added CSI forensic analysis scenes in the near future.

The GTA 4 box has been opened and its contents unleashed on the world. Present in the standard edition are:

• The game disc.
• A map.
• A warranty card.
• A live account membership.
• A manual.

Sadly absent are any of the following items:

• Skull fragments.
• A shiv.
• 9mm anti-personnel rounds.
• A gramme of Heroin.
• A pre-filed Jack Thompson lawsuit.

7/10.

This week HeadWillCollapse would like to recognise GAME for their dedication to their pre-ordering customers. Congratulations GAME. Your steadfast refusal to sell any copies of GTA 4 to anyone who hadn’t pre-ordered them is commendable.

It’s especially commendable that you insisted on enforcing these rules at your outlet at the Ocean Terminal in Leith, Edinburgh. Other, lesser retailers would be lax in adhering to such stringent laws in such a quiet branch of their store, instead welcoming any potential custom with open arms. However, we here at HWC understand that you must present a united front as a company and if that means refusing to sell to a lowly opportunist like us, then so be it. After all, customers like myself – people who seek to take advantage of circumstances and who, upon spotting a branch of GAME that could scarcely be less popular if it were staffed entirely be Velociraptors and relocated to the Moon, would immediately pounce in an attempt to pick up some overstock – deserve to be punished.

Well done GAME, you’re our number one.

If you pay any attention to the internet, and I’m sure you’re all more than aware what a risky proposition that is, you’ll find a number of people throwing the word “disappointment” around like it’s the very hottest of hot potatoes. Put an ear to the ground and you’ll hear the rumbling of claims that November was the month that tore the rug of eager anticipation from beneath the feet of gamers and sent them clattering on to the unforgiving floorboards of malcontent and querulousness (pretentious? Moi?). While there were more than a few games contributing to last month’s reputation by failing to live up to popular expectation, there’s one alleged offender that I’ve wanted to write about for some time and that’s “Assassin’s Creed” on the X-Box 360.

Slipping off topic for a moment, I read a couple of days ago (in the wholly reliable Metro newspaper) that Dougray Scott narrowly missed out on the part of James Bond to Daniel Craig, and while Mr. Craig has now cemented himself as the new 007, Dougray has had to settle for playing opposite a bald man in the film adaptation of Hitman. That is disappointment. What we have in the case of Assassin’s Creed is nothing of the sort. It has its flaws, and its frustrations, but the experience of playing it is as far away from disappointment as 47 is from Bond.

Read the rest of this entry »

Eleven hours in, having just cleaned out a mercenary base on a remote planet, the long awaited “Kirk” moment struck: it was time to seduce a bright blue alien female. I was hoping I’d be able to break the ice with a killer line like “My blood is… red.. and.. yours is… blue, but my lovin’ is… every… colour… of… the… rain… bow.” delivered in a suitably Kirk-esque fashion (and believe me, if you came from another planet, that line would be a winner), but the options were all more reserved than I’d expected. Instead the conversation seemed to revolve around how great we humans were which, while true (especially when compared to, say, fish), didn’t really perform in the getting-the-pants-off stakes. Honestly, you’d think in the future we’d all be so much more adept at pulling off the inter-species moves. *Obvious joke involving the Welsh omitted for the sake of international relations*

Mass Effect is a sci-fi RPG (and alien love simulator) for the 360 and is available now from all good stockists.

It’s the 16th of November 2007 and that means it’s officially ‘Assassin’s Creed’ day. As I’m still at work and therefore separated from my 360 by three-point-eight miles of uphill Edinburgh, I’ve decided to crack open the box and give my initial impressions of its contents. As expected the lime-green case contains all the essentials: one dvd, a manual and the obligatory piece of glossy advertising junk. Notably absent, however, are any of the following items:

• Signed, preferably laminated, publicity photographs of Jade Raymond™.
• Jade Raymond™ scented bath and/or massage oil.
• Any bags containing fingernail trimmings/hair/skin scrapings or other organic matter possibly found in Jade Raymond™’s bathroom rubbish basket.

Here’s hoping that Ubisoft are merely saving them for the collectors’ edition.

7/10

Though Halo 3 starts on somewhat of an anticlimax: learning that Master Chief can survive re-entry, followed by a crash at terminal velocity, into a rocky surface, on fire, without needing so much as a plaster or good T-Cutting; it soon throws you into the series’ mainstay of frenetic combat against overwhelming odds. Building on and prettifying everything that Halo 1 and 2 brought to the series Halo 3 is, for the most part, Halo in a new frock.

This incarnation adds a few bells and whistles to the existing mechanic, but sensibly keeps control alterations to a minimum. The most notable of the new additions is the ability to carry and deploy an array of support equipment such as shields and energy replenishers. Feasibly such artefacts could bring a new element of strategy to the gameplay, but I found myself neglecting them throughout the single player missions; opting instead for the old-fashioned blasting that has become the game’s forte. Read the rest of this entry »

Well there are rumours abound to suggest it, but I’ve been unable to find any official Capcom press releases to that effect. Being an actual member of the press may have helped on that front; it would have undoubtedly been more constructive than having Fat Conan barking down the phone at a bewildered Japanese receptionist in his own unique brand of broken english.

That said, even Games Radar who appear to be ‘breaking’ the story, aren’t sure:

“Very little solid information about the game has been given; not even the platforms upon which the game will appear. However, this trailer should be more than enough to send the hardcore fighting game fans out there crumbling to their knees in awestruck anticipation.”

And by trailer they mean “possibly-indirectly-related-video-sequence”, although it is as sexy as all hell.

Go. Look upon it and hope.

According to those somewhat sugar-coated army-jobs videos that pop up during advert breaks, the British Army pilots its remote unmanned spy planes using 360 controllers. While I like the idea of ARMYMODUK unlocking achievements and racking up high scores for Queen and country, I can’t say I’m entirely happy with their choice of peripheral.

The original X-Box’s controller was, as everyone remembers, the size of a bear. The Japanese version of it: the “Controller S”, however, was lovely and deserves a spot in the joystick hall of fame (and such a hall of fame should be established to hold it). Following on from that success, Microsoft created the 360 controller. Similar in size and layout to the “Controller S” the 360 controller differs from its last generation counterpart in one important aspect: it has one of the worst directional pads in the entire world.

Now, I’m all for the military keeping its technology up to date, but I don’t feel comfortable with the prospect of life and death decisions being made using a such a device. If it can’t be guaranteed to put descending blocks where you intended in Lumines, how can it be relied upon in a combat situation?

Besides, if we’re prepared to use toys during war then where will the adoption of civilian gaming devices end? I for one do not wish to see Armageddon ushered in by an elderly General and his grandchildren waving Wiimotes around in front of the War Room’s threat-board while the PM authorises nuclear strikes on a DDR mat; I don’t care how many gamer points it’s worth.

One Life Left aired its 50th episode at 9pm tonight and it once again showed why it’s Europe’s number 1, and now an officially award-losing, gaming radio show. Boasting tales of drunken awards parties, condemnation of grumpy presenters and a sackful of self-deprecating humour this episode is one of the best; even its news was relevant. So relevant in fact that it was more aware of the transformation of Princes Street’s HMV branch than I was, despite stopping in there at least twice a week and travelling past it on a daily basis on the way to and from work.

It seems that HMV has decided to run a pioneering scheme here in Edinburgh to allow customers to play games in a brand new communal gaming-zone (well, gaming basement it would appear) for the sum of £5 every 3 hours. As part of this initiative, the lower level of the store has been overhauled to make room for several gaming-pods in X-Box green and white (of course glistening with Microsoft’s requisite level of ‘shiny’) and a haul of HD televisions. There are twenty-seven 360s in total (and presumably as many televisions) crammed into the room. It all looks as clean and new as those Sega Worlds did when they first opened; before the management discovered that British ‘youths’ prefer vandalism and casual violence to Outrun cabinets.

It opens on Friday and I give it a month before a. it smells faintly of sick; b. half the controllers have failed due to abuse and c. someone’s been stabbed after winning a Halo 3 deathmatch.

HMV is a large shop at the West End. One Life Left on the other hand can be found Tuesdays at 9pm on Resonance FM.