I thank you for your respectful comments. I humbly submit to your superior knowledge of matters follicular and your dubious hold on matters musicular. I do, however, have one more point to bring up.

I noticed you make reference to a barbarian named Fat Conan. Note ‘barbarian’. If Fat Conan is indeed a barbarian resident in our beloved country, as a Daily Telegraph reader I have no option but to assume that he is either an illegal immigrant or an asylum seeker.

This would only happen under a Labour government.

I have therefore notified the authorities of your ‘relation in symbiosis with an illegal barbarian’, and hope that this situation will be repaired with due haste.

Yours,
Simmering in Wapping.

I thank you for you comments regarding the alleged awesomeness of the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack. While you are entitled to your opinion, it should be made clear that Fat Conan (barbarian to the stars) has a close friendship with the Japanese people (that’s right, all of them) stemming from his great respect for their warrior traditions. When I suggested to him that Japanese music was all pap he responded:

“Happy music make feel good. You shut face now� before gesturing angrily in my direction with a club constructed entirely from human femurs.

So while all comments will be welcomed by me, I cannot guarantee that Fat Conan will take them in the same good humour and for your own safety (and the safety of the nation in which you dwell) I suggest you refrain from such insight in the future.

On a follicular note, I (unlike Fat Conan) do not dismiss your suggestion of a mullet out of hand, but instead believe that I am one trailer and one trucker’s hat short in my qualifications for such a mantle. Maybe next year, if I work really hard at it.

Thank you for your comments and I hope to read more from you in the future, and might I suggest that if Wapping makes you so angry, you try to Wap less frequently.

Your comments about the soundtrack to ‘Cowboy Beepop’ are, of course, entirely incorrect. It is the most fantastic example of purest crud that has ever been produced. Typical Japanese pappage.

Also, regardless of your protestations, it is quite clear that the mullét is the haircut for you. Remember: short at the front, long at the back, and fun all over.