HeadWillCollapse

Eleven hours in, having just cleaned out a mercenary base on a remote planet, the long awaited “Kirk” moment struck: it was time to seduce a bright blue alien female. I was hoping I’d be able to break the ice with a killer line like “My blood is… red.. and.. yours is… blue, but my lovin’ is… every… colour… of… the… rain… bow.” delivered in a suitably Kirk-esque fashion (and believe me, if you came from another planet, that line would be a winner), but the options were all more reserved than I’d expected. Instead the conversation seemed to revolve around how great we humans were which, while true (especially when compared to, say, fish), didn’t really perform in the getting-the-pants-off stakes. Honestly, you’d think in the future we’d all be so much more adept at pulling off the inter-species moves. *Obvious joke involving the Welsh omitted for the sake of international relations*

Mass Effect is a sci-fi RPG (and alien love simulator) for the 360 and is available now from all good stockists.

It’s the 16th of November 2007 and that means it’s officially ‘Assassin’s Creed’ day. As I’m still at work and therefore separated from my 360 by three-point-eight miles of uphill Edinburgh, I’ve decided to crack open the box and give my initial impressions of its contents. As expected the lime-green case contains all the essentials: one dvd, a manual and the obligatory piece of glossy advertising junk. Notably absent, however, are any of the following items:

• Signed, preferably laminated, publicity photographs of Jade Raymond™.
• Jade Raymond™ scented bath and/or massage oil.
• Any bags containing fingernail trimmings/hair/skin scrapings or other organic matter possibly found in Jade Raymond™’s bathroom rubbish basket.

Here’s hoping that Ubisoft are merely saving them for the collectors’ edition.

7/10

Though Halo 3 starts on somewhat of an anticlimax: learning that Master Chief can survive re-entry, followed by a crash at terminal velocity, into a rocky surface, on fire, without needing so much as a plaster or good T-Cutting; it soon throws you into the series’ mainstay of frenetic combat against overwhelming odds. Building on and prettifying everything that Halo 1 and 2 brought to the series Halo 3 is, for the most part, Halo in a new frock.

This incarnation adds a few bells and whistles to the existing mechanic, but sensibly keeps control alterations to a minimum. The most notable of the new additions is the ability to carry and deploy an array of support equipment such as shields and energy replenishers. Feasibly such artefacts could bring a new element of strategy to the gameplay, but I found myself neglecting them throughout the single player missions; opting instead for the old-fashioned blasting that has become the game’s forte. (more…)